As I was erasing all the pencil smoodgies from today’s ‘toon, alert Friend to Bears Frances A. sent me todays Andy Borowitz Report, which, if you are Friendly to Bears, You should definitely read right AFTER you read mine, because I already thought of it without him. Really, I did!
TBF, this one kind of wrote itself, what with all the cruel and inept BS Muskwanker’s flying monkeys have gotten up to.
BEARS!!! amiright?
Frank and Mikey are gonna be pretty busy for a while, I think.
You know the story I mean. The story that we are definitely not talking about that involves a hit and run bear, a very strange member of a famous political family, and what they did with that bear.
Nope.
We are not talking about it!!!
We would NEVER leave a bear in Central Park! (Frank: unless it was Josie! Josie: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???? Mikey: Um…it wasn’t us?)
Be the BEAR! Bob T not THAT bear Panda
Because a story from 2018 recently resurfaced on the inter webs, I thought I’d share this little three part drama with you, for all the New Kids on the Block!
Ooooooo-oooo-oooo-we have food tonight…Here kitty kitty…nice kitty…“We just want to talk!”
Hey! I wouldn’t even have to change the acronym! Pinky: wait a minute! Dis is da PANDA chronicles! Pookie: it could be da pookie chronicles Pinky: no it couldn’t Frank: why not? Mikey: yeah. Why not?
Inspired by an offering in this year’s Zoo Auction! A Zoo Encounter with the Pookies! (I’m pretty sure you don’t get to go swimming with them, but maybe?)
It is futile to resist the pookiness of the Pookies. Don’t even try!
It is a sad fact, that when bears come into contact with people, the bear is often the loser. When I visited the Calgary Zoo a few years ago (in the “before times”) their resident grizzly bear was a many times offender. They had his rap sheet posted outside his enclosure. He was one of the lucky ones. Instead of being killed for his many incursions on cars and garbage cans, there was a place for him at the Calgary Zoo, where he has lived a long and peaceful life.
Pookie Two’s mom, from Montana, was not so lucky. She had become habituated to grazing in garbage cans, and while we could only hope that she might eat a certain congresswoman from Colorado, she won’t get the chance. But don’t tell Pookie Two. She thinks her mom moved to a farm upstate. Do you want to be the one to tell her?
I didn’t think so.
Be the Bear Bob T I hardly ever eat out of trashcans Panda
I know I tend to re-use names. For the first couple years of my descent in to Pandaholism, all my panda stuffies were named “Bob”. We will try to differentiate between the Seattle Pookies, and Bikkie’s friend from Alaska, Pookie.
I’m sure we’ll manage!
And while I really hate leaving the island to go into civilization, I am determined to shepherd the Pookies at The Woodland Park Zoo through their cubbyhood! I know I should not bring this up, but we could be looking at a temporarily (we hope it’s just temporary) panda-less existence here in the US. Memphis’s pandas leave near the end of this year, and the Pandalanta Pandas and the DC pandas contracts are running out. There is still no word on whether pandas will return to SanDiego. The pandemic put a definite crimp in the budgets of the zoos and the US is not getting along particularly well with China.
We are going to have to fall in love with some different sorts of bears.
There might be too many bears in the panda house, that aren’t strictly speaking…um…pandas.
Some of you might be wondering who Josie is. Josie is Frank and Mikey’s sister, and she does not approve of their career choices. She is the bear who stayed home to look after Mom and their youngest brother Scooter. (See last summer’s road trip to Alaska with Frank and Mikey as they searched for their family reunion.
Josie and Scooter’s names (and existence) are owed to Amy of Panda Twitter, who came up with names for the cubs that appeared in one of the numerous videos of bears behaving badly that circulate on the internet. The exploits of Frank and Mikey owe much to these videos and Nooz stories of bears doing things they shouldn’t.
I guess we’ll find out on Thursday whether or not Josie tracked her clueless brothers down, along with her missing cub.
Meanwhile, today is the “Book Birthday” for The Panda Cub Swap, the real life story of the birth of the Meihems. I threw a little party in it’s honor!
We are in the tail end of September (How the heck did THAT happen????) which means that it’s almost October, and you know what that means! It’s almost time for our annual rebroadcast of The Wizard of Wu!!! Once upon a time, a long looooong time ago (when there were only 3 major networks to choose from!!!!) The Wizard of Oz was rebroadcast every year right around Halloween.
This was so long ago, that when I first started watching this movie, we only had a black and white TV, so even when they got to Oz, it was still all in black and white. Eventually we got a color TV and I was so excited to watch the annual encore presentation of The Wizard of Oz, because IT WAS GOING TO BE IN LIVING COLOR!!!! Imagine my surprise, when the first and last part WERE STILL IN BLACK AND WHITE!?!?!?!?!?!?!
WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K!!!!!!?????
I guess only Oz gets to be in color. Any of you who live in Kansas…is it still that way?
No matter…we just need to kill a little time until next Sunday when The Wizard of Wu will come to you in several parts, followed by A Halloween Carol (starring PINKY!!!!)
Let’s see what comes up from the archive wayback machine for today!
Will Bob ever learn NOT to turn his back on the panda kindergarten? No, we didn’t think so, either.I have extra frosting!another cartoon inspired by real news!Thanks again to Henry Nicholls for alerting me to this storyInspector Panda says, “Know the signs of cuppycake dependency”Legalize cake today! Prevent illicit cuppycake activities.All salute the sacred cuppycake!
A quick note about Fezbook: as you all know, on Fezbook, I am Bob T Panda, a claim I can not actually substantiate with any actual documentation. Should the powers that be ever find me out, or if I lose my account to some foul hacker, I will not be able to get my account back without revealing my true identity. I do not want to do this, since the powers that be have proved themselves to be soulless cretins who sell our private data to the highest bidder and allow actual trumpsters and fascists to spread misinformation and hateful rhetoric. If I should lose my account, I will not go back. You can always find me here or over on Twidder @pandachronicle
