Tag Archives: be the bear

What we learn from listening to the news….

I think I get some of my best ideas from listening to the news when I’m driving around in the cubvertable. There are so many things IRL that are just begging to be made fun of, if you ask me! (You were going to ask me weren’t you?)

Be that as it may, today’s cartoon was inspired by a news story about how there is now this backlash against excessive photoshopping of models and celebrities in all those glossy magazines and videos. I get their point. It makes an impossible standard for real, actual people to measure themselves against. This is a major problem for young folks, whose self images are always under intense scrutiny.

I’m ready for my close-up…um..I am, aren’t I?

I agree in principle, however, if I was ever being photographed for a magazine, I would have to insist on some pretty major photoshopping in order to appear in print! For the record, I don’t think any of Princess Pinky’s photos or videos have been altered. she is. Just. That. Cute.

Hope you are having a happy Sunday! Hanging back, having a few bootinis and just being the bear!

Huzzah!
Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

“I felt so violated”: A Panda’s Tail

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Today on Fabulous Furry Friday, we bring you something that’s just a little bit different!

So, somewhere here and there around the interweb, I got into a conversation and someone (who’s initial’s may or may not be A.L.W.) and she mentioned the infamous panda Gu Gu, who..um…bit someone. This story was originally brought to my attention when I first started down the sordid path to panda satire. (This person’s initials just MIGHT be K.G.)

Anyway, of course I had to do several cartoons on the subject. Some time later, I wrote a story about the incident’s aftermath :

And here it is:

Panda Attacks Man in Chinese Zoo

WHAM! The gavel thundered on the desk like the sound of a cage door banging shut. “Guilty as charged!” cried the judge.

I was framed!

But let me tell my story from the beginning, and then you can decide for yourself: innocent victim or desperate criminal. My name is Yang-Yang, and I live at the Qixing Park Zoo in China. We pandas have a huge weight on our shoulders, and it is this: we’re cute. We’re really, really cute. People think it’s easy being cute, but I am here to tell you that it is no teddy bear’s picnic.

The day started out like any other. I got up, had some bamboo, and got ready to go out and meet my public. I stretched and rolled over then pretended to grab my toe, you know, page 243 of the “being really cute handbook.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see this guy. He was giving me “the look”. We pandas see it all the time, because, well, not to press the point but… They get a misty-eyed, goofy look on their faces, and then I know trouble is on the way. So I’m going into my routine, and the next thing I know, he’s climbing over the fence and coming towards me. He still has the look on his face, and his arms are stretched wide open. And then he HUGGED ME! I couldn’t believe it.

We hadn’t even been properly introduced.

Well, there really was only one thing I could do. I growled, “I’m sorry sir, but I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” But he just kept hugging me. I have an excellent sense of smell so it was impossible not to notice that he had some candy in his pocket. Breakfast seemed like it was hours ago and I was hungry. I thought, “Gee, since we’re such good friends now, I’m sure he won’t mind if I help myself.” I must have miscalculated because instead of getting the candy bar, I took a big bite out of his leg. You should have heard the screaming and yelling then!

“I felt so violated!”

Nobody would have been the wiser, and they probably wouldn’t have made such a big deal about it, except that all these people pulled out their cameras and cell phones and started taking pictures and sending them to all their friends. I think it was even on you-tube. After that, it was hard to deny what happened. People were running around, calling for the police; WAY overreacting. They pulled the guy out of my yard and made me go back into a locked den.

I never got my lunch.

I thought that that would be the end of it, until a few days later when I got a summons to appear in court. I was sure it would be an open and shut case. After all, he was trespassing in my territory. But for all the talk about the right to arm bears, it turns out that pandas have no civil rights. Who knew? There were hours of interviews with my lawyers and with his lawyers and I missed several meals. I thought about biting a lawyer or two, but I decided I was already in enough trouble.

Soon enough, the day for my court appearance arrived. TV news teams came from all over the world. This was the big story of the year- the trial of the century! After all, how many times does a panda stand accused for the crime of being cute? Maybe I can get a book deal out of this.

The guy’s whole defense was that since pandas are so cute, that he was unable to control his urge to hug me, so it was my fault! Finally, it was my turn to take the witness stand. I rolled on my back and did a few paw nibbles so the judge could see how harmless and adorable I am. He glared at me over the top of his glasses, banged his gavel and said, “The witness will SIT in the chair or face a contempt citation!” I sat up, wiggled my ears, and took the oath to tell the truth, the whole truth and mostly nothing but the truth.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” the judge asked sternly.

“Just because I’m cute, it doesn’t mean I’m easy,” I replied. The judge banged his gavel, hard, and I prepared, again, for a life behind bars.

The End

I have defeated the evil computer…

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…and I didn’t even use a hammer. It was definitely touch and go for a while, but thanks to some advice from various friends around the interwebs, new software from the scanner maunfacturer, I was able to finally, (FINALLY!!!!!) quit farting around plugging, unplugging, rebooting, ad infinitum and finally, at the end, it was a case of using one cable rather than another. (not that I didn’t need the updated software, but maybe if they had had the link on their website in the first place, AND suggested trying both the USB cable as well as the firewire cable, it might have only taken me three days instead of 6.) Special pandy thanks goes out to Aaron Shepard’s blog, My Mac Fixes for the solution to my woes, as well as Frances and Ann, who suggested looking on Goggle and the support forums rather than running out to someone who would charge me $75 to say, “did you try this other cable?”

Is it any wonder that people are fed up with technology and the people who supply it as well as use it it? Oh, wait…they want me to buy a new scanner! uh huh…

Bad taste alert! BTW I’m lying about never doing it again.

The following cartoon addresses a very tragic incident that happened last week. Yes, I know, it’s not a funny situation, but my experience of the last week leads me to realize more than ever, that people’s nerves are stretched pretty thin, and it doesn’t take much to push someone over the edge.

annoyed moviegoer allegedly shoots two for texting in movietheater

Don’t try this at home….

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

It’s Fabulous Furry Friday!

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Well, I had hoped to bring you a new cartoon today, but I am still having technical difficulties with getting the computer to recognize the scanner. I did get the software installed appropriately, because it now shows up in the applications folder, but despite the restarting and overbooting and unplugging and reconnecting of the components, it still says ; you are so scr%##92@d. in the error message.

or something like that.

Well, the big news today is that the winners of the international Giant Panda Zoo Awards for 2013 were announced this morning right at the home of the Twinkies at Zoo Atlanta, and let me tell you, there is some grumbling from other quarters if you know what I mean! The Twinkies won the coveted “Cub of the Year” award, and all I can say is it’s a very good thing that mama Mei hid Princess Pinky’s magical wand, or I think she would’ve marched her fuzzy little princess self down to Atlanta, and given them the biggest >poof< since General Sherman came through town.

Beware, the power of the paw! At least Pinky is a cover girl!!!!

Not only that, but…and I can hardly say this without shaking in my boots, but Mr Wu did NOT win the Panda Personality of the Year award.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?????? Mr. Wu is not speaking to reporters this morning, as he needs to…um…collect himself.

Is this a personality or what?

Uh oh. All is not well in Pandyland!

I’m hoping I can resolve my computer issues over the weekend, because, hello? I have NEW cartoons to post, so anyone who can give me some advice that actually works will be rewarded. (not with money, mind you, because, let’s face it, panda satire is not the most lucrative profession in the world. But I could send you some panda goodies!)

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Emergency, Will Robinson, Emergency!

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Or was that “Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!” ?

Due to technical difficulties, I was not able to scan today’s cartoon, and so there will be a rerun.

See, what happened is, that I finally had to give up my old operating system on my computer, which was operating on “Tigger” and I didn’t want to go to the new, new operating system, because it’s getting such crappy reviews, AND my scanner won’t work with it at all, so I compromised on Snow Leopard because it’s not so very different from Tigger. And every thing would work. Ha!

So.

I downloaded the new and appropriate “driver” (whatever the heck THAT is) and now it says that my scanner isn’t on or connected, when it jolly well is.

Where is Princess Pinky and her magical wand when I need her?

Princess Pinky helps with new years resolutions

You say you want a resolution, well, you know, it is hard to change a bear….

Tell me a story, mommy!

sigh….

being the non technological bear.
Bob T Panda

The Deleted Interview Question

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Former President Nixon was famous for (among other things) bringing pandas to the United States from China. He was also famous (or is that infamous?) for a missing 18 minutes of recording tape, when the Watergate break-in was being discussed.

Here at The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire, we are thrilled to bring you another segment of here-to-fore missing public document. We are, of course speaking of a little bit of film footage that was deleted from Princess Pinky’s recent press conference, held on the eve of her public debut.

And now, without further folderol, we bring you the Pandagate tapes:

Pinky answers difficult questions from the press in her own way.

Be the Bear!

Bob T. Panda

It’s Fabulous Furry Friday, tra la, tra la!

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Although I miss those elevated readership numbers that come with posting a new cartoon every day, (and didn’t I do a fabulous job with that? pats self on back) It is good that I can get to some other projects that have been in the works for a while. If you subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll know what they are. If you don’t…well, you’ll find out eventually!

In the meantime, here are some encore presentations from the archives to get you in the mood for the weekend!

..in which we introduce Inspector Panda….

THIS is a case for Inspector Panda!

Inspector Panda says, “Know the signs of cuppycake dependency”

Legalize cake today! Prevent illicit cuppycake activities.

It IS all about the cuppycakes!

Princess Pinky returns on Sunday in a new cartoon! Huzzah!!!!!!! (And…um…she might have found mommee’s hiding place for her magical wand!)

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

I resolve not to make any resolutions….

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…although it MIGHT be a good idea for the panda kindergarten to resolve a few things, and then the there’s Princess Pinky….how do you solve a problem like a princess?

Hey! here I am on Sunday afternoon, working on my new schedule, which is to bring you the Monday cartoon on Sunday! Huzzah! Of course, if you don’t check in until Monday, well, the pandas will be here waiting for you. Mr. Wu Wednesday will continue, although he doesn’t have any adventures planned for a while. I think maybe he should stay home for a little bit, don’t you?

Speaking of planning (who was speaking of planning?….Oh wait, it was me!) If you want to be the first to hear about what I have planned for the next year, you still have time to sign up for my once-in-a-while newsletter. (I’m sending it out on Tuesday morning) This month, not only is it chock-a-block full of news, I also have prepared a PDF of the entire Wizard of Wu adventure story. Huzzah! Buuuuut, the only way you’ll get it is to sign up for my newsletter. It’s the second from the top sign up form on the right hand column, just under the sign-up to get these posts delivered to your inbox.

And now, bring on the bears!

You say you want a resolution, well, you know, it is hard to change a bear….

Oh, that adorable Princess Pinky! What will she do next?

Keep Being the Bears,
Bob T. Panda

It’s a WUnderful life: the epilogue

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Happy New Year from The Panda Chronicles!

A short epilogue to It’s a WUnderful Life popped into my head as I was finishing up the previous episode, and so here it is, from my brain (on pandas) to your brain (on pandas.)

A bear and his mom…together forever? What lengths will Bai Yun go to to get the hammock all to herself?

I just wanted to let you know about a few minor scheduling changes for the upcoming year. I still plan on doing two new cartoons a week, plus a Friday encore presentation of an older cartoon or two. Sometimes they will have themes that echo something that is happening in the real world or panda world, but mostly, they are just cartoons that I really like, and want to give you the chance to see them and tell me how funny I am. Mr wu will continue to control Wednesdays, at least for a while. Princess Pinky, the twins, and all the rest will have to share the sunday time-slot. Sorry.

The other change is that instead of posting on Monday, I will post on Sunday, later in the afternoon. In fact, all posts will happen later in the afternoon, about 4 PM PST/PDST. As much as I have tried to take myself in ..um…paw, I am powerless to resist the siren song of Facebook and other social media. I love “meeting” and talking with you all there. I plan to continue this, just not in my “prime work time.” I have paintings to paint, and (more importantly) pandas to draw, and not enough of y work is getting done before I sign into have a lovely visit with you all.

I know you will all understand, and of course want these pandas to keep on coming your way, for which I am extremely grateful. Your kind words, enthusiasm, (and yes, even your agitated responses to all the harrowing situations I have put Mr Wu in this last year) have touched me, delighted me, and spurred me on to greater heights of panda satire and drawing than I ever dreamed was possible. I hope you will want to continue reading The Panda Chronicles. I love your comments, even when you yell at me.

If you would like to support my efforts here, there are three meaningful ways to do so:
1: share this blog with your humor loving friends. They don’t even have to be panda fans. The Panda Chronicles have converted more than one person to the cause of pandas!
2: Write a review of any or all of my books on Amazon and/or Goodreads. This really does help my visibility, which helps to sell more books.
3: (you knew this was coming) Buy my books! Buy them for yourself, buy them for presents. You can go directly to Amazon from the Panda Chronicles: the Books page.

Here’s to the upcoming year in pandas! (and if you want to be the first to know, sign up for my free, every once in a while news letter to be in the know (if you know what I mean!) Just look for the sign-up form titled Get Even More Pandas near the top of the right hand column!

Keep Being the Bears!
Bob T. Panda

Day 31: It’s a WUnderful Life – Episode Nine

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Oh my! It is not only the last episode of Mr Wu’s most recent adventure, but it is the last day of the year, and even more importantly, the last day of 2013’s 31 Days of Pandas!!!!! Huzzah. Well, not Huzzah! that daily pandas are coming to an end, but Huzzah! that I managed not to miss a single day of NEW cartoons, every stinkin’ day!

Huzzah! Here are some 31 Days of Pandas statistics that I find interesting in my own pandy little way: There are 245 (plus or minus a panda here and there) drawings of pandas within these 31+ drawings. That is more than an 800% increase over the original year of 30 days of pandas. (someone might want to check my math on that one.) There was an average of over 1500 page views per week during the month. Huzzah! I know that’s not quite the big leagues, but it sure beats the heck out of the early days when 10 views was a really big day for the pandas.

There is much panda-ing in store for 2014. Pandas kept me going through 2013, which quite frankly, felt like a year long Friday the 13th, if you want to know the truth. But enough about that! Let’s have the final episode of It’s a WUnderful Life!

Yay! The heartwarming schmoopy ending!

And here’s a little bonus, especially for those of you who have joined the panda fun here at The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire recently: The Panda Kindergarten’s New Year’s Eve!

The panda kindergarten at their best…or is that worst?

Be the Bear, and thanks for stopping by!
Bob T. Panda.

See ya next year!