Category Archives: the essential pandaness of being

Fabulous Furry Friday returns!

Friday already? Where does the week go? There has been lots going on and much of it has been stories from the real world, that make us wonder how the human race has survived for this long. (And you thought pandas were endangered!)

Not only have people been taking selfies in perilous situations, apparently some people have torched their homes in their attempts to kill spiders or get rid of snakes. One fire official commented, “Fire is not the method to use to kill spiders.” You can be sure that the investigative team here at The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire will be looking into this.

For now, let’s revisit some of the …um..questionable situations the panda kindergarten has gotten into.

the year of the dragon, panda kindergarten

Huzzah! it’s the year of the Dragon!

What do you mean by “was?”

Always read the directions…

have a great weekend, and remember, be careful while taking selfies!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Selfies at the Tour de France

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Oh my, just when I thought that the practice of taking selfies couldn’t get any more absurd, (see this post) an observant reader told me that people were taking selfies at the Tour de France. Not only were they taking selfies, they were stepping out into the flow of (really, really, really,) fast bicycle racers in order to do so.

We are talking about bicycle racers with only three fat cells in their entire bodies, who are probably already a little cranky because
A) Someone just compared them to Lance Armstrong,
B) It’s July,
C)There are not actually french fries every where in France,
and
D) Some moron with an iphone – who hasn’t been on a bike since 4th grade – just stepped out in front of them and they crashed and cannot finish the race because their $12,000 Italian racing bike now looks like a leftover pretzel from the Bumpkin County Fair.

Of course, here at The Institute of Contemporary Panda Satire felt we had to address this issue, in the mature and respectful way that you have come to expect from us. (Insert fart joke here.)

Sometimes real life news stories make it Just. Too. Easy

Meanwhile back at the Zoo, panda birthday season has begun. I hesitate to admit that I don’t know the birthdays of every U.S. born panda, let alone those born abroad, but Washington DC’s favorite #1 son, Tai Shan, celebrated his 9th birthday on July 9th, and the Meihem twins of Zoo Atlanta have their first birthday coming up this Tuesday! (Ya’ll come back for a special birthday ‘toon on Tuesday, OK?)

Meanwhile, in honor of the publication of my book Pandamorphosis, we are inviting you to post pictures of YOUR copy of Pandamorphosis on The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire page on Facebook.

Huzzah!

Be the Bear
Bob T. Panda

More from Inspector Panda…

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…and his latest mystery. Or maybe more accurately, a little more on Babette’s story of her great-great-great-great-gasp-great-great grandmama. There will be an art history quiz at the end.

For those of you who have missed the first 4 episodes, you can see Episode 1: here, Episode 2: here, and Episode 3: here. And just because I’m that kind of bear, I am reposting episode four, along with today’s episode:

Why DOES Mr Wu have a piece of tape on his right ear?

Episode four of The case of the Picturesque Panda…

And now, for today’s episode….

Let’s see who stayed awake during art history classes!

I told you there would be a quiz, didn’t I? The first 5 people to CORRECTLY identify all five of the painting references (by artist, extra credit for titles) will receive a small envelope full of panda swag. You can leave your answers in the comments. I will contact the winners for their addresses. (US addresses only, sorry, Vicky, but you should be getting a whole BOX of panda swag any day now!)

And I would be remiss, if I did not mention that yesterday was Canada Day, better known around here as Panada Day! Thanks again to Liam Francis Walsh who suggested this drawing:

Oh Panada, Oh Panada, how tasty are your maple leaves….

And would someone please tell the morons who are setting off fireworks NOW, that the 4th of July is FRIDAY?????

Sigh…being the bear….
Bob T. Panda

Selfies With Pandas

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I gave up watching TV more than 15 years ago, and quit reading newspapers some years earlier. (After Bill Watterson retired, what was the point?) But here at The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire, we are not totally uninformed. We listen to NPR (National Panda Radio), read The New Yorker* and the Atlantic Magazine. But our favorite source for Nooz Pandas Can Use is the NPR show, Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.

* sometimes we even read the articles.

Yesterday, as I was driving around in the cubvertable, one Wait, Wait… segment related a story about how the state of New York was considering (or had already) outlawed the practice of taking selfies with tigers. Now, this story raised many questions, that we felt were not adequately addressed on the show. (We thought about going back and listening to the podcast to see if we had our facts straight, but then we thought, hey! We’re pandas! Since when have we concerned ourself with the facts?)

First, are tiger selfies really such a big problem? and what about enforcement of the new statute? Are they going to staff zoos and other places that tigers congregate to make sure no one takes a selfie with the tigers. Do the tigers get any say in this?

Needless to say, The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire has not shirked their responsibility to fully explore this issue.

Much better to take a selfie with pandas!

Don’t forget to check out pandas around the web!
Kirby Larson’s Kirby’s Lane: Friday June 13, 2014
June 9th on Cordelia Calls it Quits, and
June 11th on Cordelia’s Mom, Still
Pandamorphosis was reviewed by Henry Nicholls, author of The Way of the Panda, on his Animal Magic blog at The Guardian.

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

Where in the World…

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…are Princess Pinky and the Mei-hem Twins? Thats what enquiring minds keep asking me. I’m afraid I have been just the teensiest bit irresponsible (do ya think???) to let the girls go off across the country in the Cublanta Twins’ little yellow cubvertible without any supervision.

What was I thinking?

But we have addressed the manner in the most responsible and expedient way possible by devoting the latest edition of ZooNooZ to an in depth look at this crisis.

Uh oh…mad mom alert….

So where in the world are they?…um…your guess is as good as mine! (See helpful map!)

A heads up for Wednesday: I have a special guest blogger who will be virtually visiting me here at The Panda Chronicles! Writer C. Hope Clark, author of The Carolina Slade mystery series and grand poobah of the extremely popular and useful Funds for Writers website. She offered to share a guest post here as I celebrate the launch of Pandamorphosis into the world. I’m thrilled to have her here, as she talks about finding and following our childhood wishes and dreams.

Till then,
Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

What Kind of Cuppycake are You?

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Alert reader Marie Lamb sent me this quiz via fezbook, because as a loyal reader of The Panda Chronicles, she knows that cuppycakes are near and dear to all the pandas here. Of course it inspired a cartoon. How could it not?

I have extra frosting!

(By the way, when I took the quiz, it turns out that I am a lemon cuppycake)

Sigh….

Be the Bear
Bob T. Panda

Another Fabulous Furry Friday

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Ah, what to post, what to post…that is the question. Time to get out the darts and throw it at my computer screen and see where it sticks.

Can you calibrate the cuppycake?

I am such a dork.

I know… I will take this opportunity to share these cartoons I did for Pandas International, for their programs at several of their annual auction events. If you don’t already know about Pandas International, you might want to check them out and send a little support their way. They raise money to help actual pandas (as opposed to imaginary ones) and… without actual pandas, there could be no panda satire.

Think about that!

Keep being the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

Road Trip

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Oh my, I am an irresponsible panda satirist. Here I sent Pinky and the Mei-hem twins, Bert and Ernie, off on a road trip in the little yellow car to see Mr. Wu (clear on the other side of the country) and have we looked in on them since they zoomed off, leaving Mei Xiang in a cloud of dust? No we have not! (And then we wrote that terrible run on sentence…what were we thinking?)

Fortunately, thanks to GPPS (Global Panda Positioning Satellite) we have located the girls who are not quite to Pan Diego as yet.

One of the little known wonders of the world.

On the road again….

Be the Bear
Bob T. Panda

Do Vampire Pandas Exist?

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We don’t know for sure, but there have been rumors of a community of vampire pandas circulating around the internet. Where are these vile rumors coming from? Hmmm… I have no idea.

Evidence of a vampire panda infestation primarily consists of a number of tubes of frosting with fang marks in them, with all the frosting being slurped out.

Seems pretty conclusive to me.

This is very scary, don’t you think?

This cartoon is posted by request of Vicky V., who knows something about frosting as well as vampires.

Be the Bear

Bob T. Panda

Even More from the Panda Season of Love

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Last week one of my esteemed readers commented on this post of the day of “Z” with a delightful scenario based on ACTUAL PANDA COMMUNICATION from our panda neighbors to the North, Er Shun and Da Mao, currently residing in Toronto as part of the “putting pandas to work” program.

News item: Gao Gao, the San Diego zoo stud muffin and father of five, is recovering from surgery of *ahem* a delicate nature. For more information, read the San Diego Zoo blog.

Of course, this inspired me to write a cartoon, which would make even more fun of pandas (well, boy pandas anyway). Sometimes they just make it too easy for me.

I smell frosting!

If YOU have read a real news story that you think that pandas would enjoy having their way with, just send it on in a comment. don’t worry about trying to figure out what the pandas will have to say about it. We might not even comment on the story directly, but you never know what is going to trigger some panda satirical thought in my fuzzy little head. Operators are standing by to take your call.

Ha ha! George Clooney… where do those little pandas get these ideas?

Politicians misbehaving? strange cuppycake vending machines showing up on your block? Interesting trends in fashion? Pandas may be interested.

Be the Bear
and
Panda On

Bob T. panda