Be the (Dancing) Bear!
Bob T. Panda.
Well, now we know why the tightrope walking panda was not smiling! I’m almost POSITIVE that the pandas have not eaten the cake and that it will show up at the last minute. I hope that they have a good grip on the cake and are not fooling around with it. Is this foreshadowing? Hmmmm…..Maybe.
Be the Bear
Bob T. (pizza is a FRUIT) Panda
Woke up to news today on the radio that Michelle Obama was pissed off that schools were allowed to count pizza as a vegetable. Now, we pandas really like Michelle (so, if you are a republican or tea party enthusiast you can stop reading right now and cancel your subscription) but we think she has crossed the line on this one. I was really sure that french fries are vegetables too. I’m still planning on voting for your husband next year, but I think you need to back off on the pizza thing. I’m just sayin’, ya’ know? Other than that you are really awesome.
Be the Bear.
Bob T. (Just say “Panda-sizeMe”) Panda
Since there is nothing that I like to do more than play around with pandas, I thought I would make excellent use of my time and design a logo for my roll of honor posts. As you know ( or are about to be informed if you’ve just tuned in to the Panda Chronicles), I award the Roll of Honor to people that I feel have made a contribution to the field of Panda Satire. These awards are highly subjective and have no cash value (sorry) but you can sleep well at night knowing that YOU have aided me in my quest to make “Panda Satire” a household word.
Today’s Roll of Honor winner is the person who really started my quest for world panda satire domination. I can’t believe it took me this long to recognize him for his unwitting contribution to panda satire, but hey, what’s time to a panda? (Yes, I know I already used that line, but there is no joke that I won’t beat into the ground, given half a chance.) Will James Fallows come on down and claim his award?
Ok, I know you are all sitting there, grumbling and whispering to one another, “Isn’t he, like, a serious journalist? Doesn’t he write for the Atlantic Monthly and other serious publications?” Yes and yes, but one of his serious articles for the A.M. was about one of the panda ranches in China (the Wolong Reserve, I believe). This article started me on my road to panda-holism. There. So now you know whose fault this whole thing is.
Congratulations, and thanks, Mr. Fallows.
Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda
Recently, news came to us from the Atlanta Zoo that Po’s irresponsible big brother, Xi Lan wrecked Po’s cute little yellow car. Through our clandestine spy network, we have acquired footage that reveals the true story of what happened to Po’s little car. Viewer alert! This footage contains shocking revelations about what happens when pandas are allowed to drive cars!
We hope you will join us in decrying this shocking example of panda sibling rivalry. Demand that driver education becomes a part of panda kindergarten curriculum.
Be the (careful) Bear
Bob T. Panda