Well the wait is over and it is now known that Mei Xiang is not and possibly was never pregnant. While we are sorrowful for this disappointing news, it didn’t stop us from hacking into Mei’s private email correspondence with other pandas at American zoos. Here is a transcript of a number of communications:
firstname.lastname@example.org to email@example.com : Hey, YaYa. Guess you heard the news by now. I tried to keep the thing going, but finally, I was just tired of the charade. How goes life in the south? LOL
firstname.lastname@example.org to email@example.com: I feel your pain. The thing is its just way to hot down here to even think about…well you know. And by the way, just ignore anything Lun Lun writes to you. She’ll pretend she’s sympathetic, but she really just wants to brag.
Firstpanda to gracelandpanda: Thanks for the heads up. I put my phone on voice mail so I don’t have to listen to her. Who cares about Po or Pooh’s toilet training anyway? I’m just hoping they’re not going to come up with some excuse to deport us. It’s not MY fault, if you get my drift….
firstname.lastname@example.org to firstpanda: Hey sweetie, I keep getting you’alls machine and I just wanted to send my …condolences. Did I tell you about the cutest thing Po did yesterday? Well, I have to go. A mother’s work and all…bye now!
email@example.com to firstpanda: Hey man, so sorry about your loss or whatever. We’ll all be meditating and lighting incense for you, that is if I can find some matches. After that little incident in the gift shop, they are keeping a close watch on the fire-sticks. Keep the faith. Peace and love….
Well, that’s all we have time for today. Tune in for more of our clandestine look into the private communications of the American panda populace!
Be the Bear
Bob T. Panda